IF: Then

Auditions are a natural and common place happenstance in theatre. Everybody does them. But when I'm holding auditions for IF shows they always feel a little out of synch with things.

First, most of our shows draw from the wonderful talents of the ensemble. So we rarely need outside folks.

Second, when we do them, we try to offer a challenging format that allows the actor to show us what he or she can really do. Which for us means they get to bring us a finely tuned and well-honed monologue.

Now, things are even more off kilter. For our next production "Adult Entertainment", we are holding open auditions with cold readings. This will certainly throw open the doors and make it easier for folks to walk in and audition, but will it challenge them or encourage the best actors to come out?

The most awkward part of the audition is that not only do we need delightful comediennes with a sharp mind, but they have to look like they could be porn stars. Try ordering that off the menu.

"Yes, I'd like Dorothy Parker, but make her look like Halle Barry."

Ah, well, we shall see.

1. Your parole officer would never think to look there.
2. Your boyfriend is not allowed to talk to you while the show is running.
3. Your girlfriend is not allowed to talk to you while the show is running.
4. They still have intermissions (Thank God for that super big belch soda.)
5. You sound sophisticated when you tell your friends.
6. The closest you're ever likely to get to half-naked women without a tip rail.
7. It gives you something to talk about while you sip your double half-caff, skinny, skippy, ultra latte.
8. No one will accuse you of following the crowd.
9. You might have a touching experience that doesn't require a restraining order.
10. No matter how many times you go, it's bound to be a different show.

For the uninitiated among you, that statement is the equivalent of "Dynomite!", "Right On", "Schwing" and "Awesome." Or more precisely the exact opposite of "Bogus, Dude."

That was my reaction to the poster for Truculentus.

You see, a good friend has been overly generous in his favors lately (No, not like that). Ever since the poster he did for "A Cure for the Valentine's Hangover", my friend Chris has freely given of his remarkable design talent to our desperately underfunded and over ambitious efforts to dazzle the local theatre scene. In fact, he gave us the amazing and award-winning poster for "Lake of Fire." And now, I think he has outdone himself.

As any of you that have attempted to wade through the detritus that substitutes for coherent thought in this blog know, Truculentus isn't the easiest show to concisely explain. So, when I saw the offbeat concept that Chris devised, I was a little shaken, because it looked like we would really have to explain a lot to those who come to the show. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the artwork for our shows ought to engage and challenge our audiences as much as the show. This poster definitely does that. Chris is deceptive in the simplicity that he puts on the page. He always gives striking images, but what really become remarkable is the number of "hidden" stories you can find.

I think with this poster, the audience will be trying to connect the dots through the whole intermission.

What can I say, he frickin rocks!

Oh, I can say one more thing. If you ever need the drop dead best damn designs in town, then you better follow this link www.ciesadesign.com.

Thanks, Chris!

I've looked over the last couple of posts and they look more like PR pablum than down and dirty explorations of the salacious (thank god for that word of the day calendar). So, I figure it's time to give you voyeurs what you're really looking for, sex.

Here it is, the truth of who is sleeping with who from Truculentus. The director is sleeping with one of the actors and the technical director is sleeping with one of the other actors! Oh my!

Course the less disturbing and troubling part of that news is that in both cases they are married couples. Yes, believe it or not there are straight participants in theatre and sometimes they do find singular love rather than a roving nomadic orgy of conquests. Not that there is anything wrong with roving nomadic orgies (or so I'm told.)

Now, that would be a helluva title for a play, "Roving Nomadic Orgy". Although, is it redundant to say roving and nomadic in the same sentence? Hmmmm.... I may have to look forward a couple of months for synonyms.

Okay, before anyone that knows me faints in shock, I am about to make a sports reference. For those of you uninitiated in my knowledge or lack there of in some arenas, this is the equivalent of George Bush stringing together a coherent sentence. (It just don't happen often.) Here it comes...

It seems only appropriate that as the world recognizes a great reliever in Sutter and his planned enshrinement in the baseball hall of fame, that we take a look at one of IF's absolute best key players, when it comes to stepping in and getting it done. He's also one of IF's absolute newest ensemble members. (Which I believe has all the cachet of a dog wearing his license, but hey we keep getting folks to come on board.)

Allan Ross first stepped in to play the heavy in a show filled with heavies, "Howya Doin Frankie Banana?". He then took an extended hiatus from IF and the stage, while he addressed his million other interests and projects like graduation and his true passion, writing. He came back to play a hopped up heroin addict whose death sends his brother on a mission of vengeance in the world premiere of "Lake of Fire." He finally got to try some lighter fare by playing the innocent love interest of a prostitute trying to go straight in "Sex."

This time around he sets the stage as the show opener Prologue. He later returns as the hairdresser to the rich and famous, Sura.

No matter what, no matter when, Alan is always ready to step up and tackle the roles we throw at him. He's always committed to giving it his best and finding the threads that the director needs to weave the story. That's what makes him a welcome relief and addition to our misanthropic family.

Off the stage, he rivals Sara, Markitwia and Lamont in their ability to know every freaking person you run into. Truly, any time you go out with any of this group you feel like the entourage, sans all the quick witticisms drolly thrown out by Jeremy Piven. You'd think that there might be somewhere you could go that they weren't recognized, but you'd be wrong.

I'm always in awe of this ability. I tend more to the brooding reclusive figure cloaked in darkness sitting in the corner. It's not that I don't like people, I just don't have the strength to keep up with vast responsibilities of being that excited to see so many of them.

Before I let you off the hook from these peripatetic ramblings, I would like to pose a question and ask you to comment to this blog.

"What does liberal mean to you?"

TTFN XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

and any other balderdash you choose to insert at the close of missive.

Aggghh, the tough choices one is forced to make could make a weaker being weep.

I've scheduled rehearsal to conflict with the first new episode of "Lost"!

Please, no weeping or gnashing of teeth. I'm sure I can find a solution to this.

...
...
...

Agggggggghhhhhhhhhh, I've scheduled rehearsal to conflict with "Lost"!

Well, now that that's out of my system...

What was I thinking?! It's only been forever since I saw a new episode. Plus I missed the season opener of "The Shield" last night!

Talk about suffering for your art.

The good news is that while it was a small cast for rehearsal last night, I saw some very interesting ideas. (For those of you unfamiliar with the process, rehearsals can either be filled with a director flogging the actors towards a visualized perfection, or it can be a great deal of exploring like a child swimming along the bottom of a pond looking for a skipping stone.) This is a great translation. I don't know who Duckworth is/was, but damn this prof actually had a sense of humor. Plus the crew I'm working with has an over developed sense of humor ( in spite of what folks may think of our typical Sturm and Drang). So, you take the possibilities that a good script provides and let them take it for a spin. It didn't have that new car smell, but it sure rode well.

Off I go.

Yet another missive condemned to the anonymous ether.

(look it up or watch the DVD)

Our country boy for "Truculentus" is most definitely the apotheosis of cool. I met him working on a project for the Bailiwick Directors Festival in Chicago. Recommended by a friend, he saved my bacon and helped to make a damn interesting show in "Negatives." After that, the mantra around IF was "We've gotta get him on stage again."

Markitwia Jackson (pronounced mar-key-schwa) is one of the most talented, humble, funny guys I know. Throw in his ability to sit back, have a few drinks, toss out a few lies and check out the ladies and you've got a guy you can drink with. But ultimately, his commitment to his son makes him tops in my book.

In theatre everyone is always "so thrilled" to see everyone else. At IF, because we're an ensemble, we have to mean it. Luckily, with Markitwia you don't even have to work at it. When he shows up (there is a tad bit of a time space issue), you're genuinely happy to see him. And when he takes the stage, you know he is going to work his ass off.

Though it isn't just around the theatre he's cool. Go out with Markitwia anywhere and you would swear you were with a guy running for president. Everybody knows this guy. No matter where you go someone will call out "Hey, Spud!" (I don't ask. That's just what they do.)

So, I'm not sure if country is cool or not, but it sure will be with Markitwia as Strabax, the country youth.

Why the hell do we care? What possesses us to obsess about whether Kelly is starving herself or Lindsay is best suited for bumper cars? I'm betting at any given moment the majority of actors on the planet are on a diet, a significant number have reduced their cars to salvage and even a few have done a good deed today.

Ah, well, time to abdicate the soap box and get down to the details.

Yes, she does eat.

Yes, she does sleep.

Yes, she drives an environmentally friendly car.

No, I've never seen her regurgitate a Bologna sandwich.

No, she doesn't engage in a satanic ritual to keep her youth.

That should about take care of the tabloid details of Truculentus's courtesan, Phronesium, played by Sara Frank.

Sara is a fiery red head, who started with IF in the role of an ice queen vampire (No, it wasn't a scifi fantasy. Her character just wasn't well liked by another.) She then went on to play the lust-filled Ophelia in our romp through Shakespearean territory, "Elsinore Follies." While she has taken on a number of roles since, Sara continues to be recognized as half of the critically acclaimed duo in IF's production of "Parallel Lives". She is an Actors Equity Membership Candidate; a graduate of Michigan State University and a darn good friend.

In "Truculentus," Sara plays a conniving, unabashed courtesan. With no regret and a great deal of flair, she fleeces man after man out of his wealth and often chastises them for not bringing more. To work on her current mark, the soldier Stratophanes, she even acquires a child to convince him that she gave birth to his son.

After her turn as a courtesan, Sara takes on a role in IF's upcoming "Adult Entertainment."